“I’ve lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened!”
– Mark Twain
We’ve all been here. Something we were counting on is suddenly uncertain, sending our mind off to the races with nail-biting worry and rampant speculation, causing us to start imagining terrible things that never actually happen.
Maybe it’s an unexpected lay off or downturn in the stock market. Or it might be a test result indicating a serious health issue you don’t have any risk factors for. Or maybe it’s when someone you were sure you knew really well does the unthinkable.
No matter what the unexpected thing happens to be, your brain has questions and it wants them answered immediately!
What will happen with this situation?
What effect will that have on me and those I care about?
How can I prevent any potentially harmful effects?
The real problem comes when we can’t answer these questions with any certainty. This uncertainty sends our Stone Age, survival-centered brain into orbit because it can’t determine whether or not we have the wherewithal to cope with the situation. Neuroscience tells us this is the reason our brains tend to register anything unknown as a threat and so react to this unknown as if it puts us in mortal danger. The trouble is, the uncertainties in modern life tend to be far more abstract than the clear and present danger posed by actual threats to our physical survival.
The Brain’s Solution to Uncertainty: Anxiety
When presented with an unknown outcome, our brains are programmed with a negative bias to make sure we’re prepared for whatever Nature might throw at us. This means our brain is far more ready to jump to worst-case scenarios than it is to simply be present with the uncertainties of a situation.
To illustrate why this negative bias was originally a life-saver, imagine yourself as a Stone Age hunter-gatherer. You’re moving through the grass and hear an unexpected rustling sound. Your brain says: Lion! And you react accordingly.
If it turns out to be just a breeze rustling the grass, there’s no loss. But if your brain thinks it’s probably just a breeze, and it turns out to be a lion… OOPS! There goes your chance to reproduce and pass on your overly optimistic genes!
But here’s the rub: the greater the uncertainty we face, the more likely it is our minds will fabricate something dreadful to fill the gap in our knowledge, even when we really don’t know what will happen. The brain is actually more inclined to imagine an apocalyptic scenario than it is to simply be present with uncertainty.
This means your hardwired negative bias actually makes emotionally-triggering situations worse because your brain processes the threats you make up in the same way it processes real ones. To make matters worse, the survival brain thinks that if we’re anxious about what might happen, we can make ourselves safer.
Fear that Protects vs. Fear that Keeps You Stuck
So, how do we navigate the fear uncertainty stimulates, and still keep our wits about us?
The answer comes down to understanding the difference between fear that protects you from a clear and present danger, and fear that keeps you stuck in an endless loop of anxiety and tension because it’s based on what you imagine instead of what’s real.
For example, let’s say you’re crossing the street, and seemingly out of nowhere you see a bus heading straight for you. Definitely scary! But here’s the interesting thing: in situations like this, you never stop to think about what you’re going to do.
Why? Because your body already knows what to do! It knows to get the hell out of the way!!! Your body just takes action before your mind has time to think anything about it!
Your brain is designed and highly specialized to respond to physical threats in your environment. And the fight, flight, or freeze response is really effective in these kinds of situations. Unfortunately, it’s your brain’s default, no matter what the threat is. So, if the ‘threat’ is the uncertain future, using fight, flight or freeze as the solution is like using a sledge hammer to mash potatoes!
Given the fact that uncertainty is an undeniable part of modern life, it’s clear we need to find a different set of tools to master the anxiety and fear triggered by it. Click To Tweet
Awareness Exercise: Practice Accepting Uncertainty
When our Stone Age brains can’t tell the difference between a threat to life and limb and a threat our speculation has conjured up, awareness can make all the difference.
Awareness starts with paying attention to what the brain is up to when you’re under stress. If you’re not paying close attention, the stress hormones coursing through your veins will start making choices for you. And these choices are not likely to serve you in the long run.
This short exercise is designed to help you embrace uncertainty without reacting. To start, get a piece of paper or download this worksheet. While answering 4 simple questions feels like it should be easy, it might be harder than you think. Here are the questions:
1. I am anxious about…
Maybe it’s the effect the economy will have on your job security. Maybe you’re worried about your father’s heart condition. Write down whatever topic you are most anxious about right now.
2. The facts are…
For example: My coworker was let go last week. My father has heart surgery scheduled for Feb. 20th.
The goal here is to get your feet firmly on the ground of objective reality. Use numbers when appropriate and avoid stating emotions or abstractions. The facts are always the starting point for seeing your situation clearly.
3. The uncertainty that is causing me to be afraid is…
This sentence can be a little tricky because I’m asking you NOT to speculate here. For example, if you’re terrified your son won’t be able to afford his mortgage because it’s unclear when he’ll be able to go back to work, what I want you to write down would be something like this: It’s uncertain how my son will be impacted by the closure of the restaurant where he works.
4. I accept the uncertainty about… just for now.
Here you might write: My son’s future.
Now, take a deep breath and actually say to yourself, “I accept this uncertainty in my life, just for now.”
Next, I want you to observe how you feel in your body. Can you notice any change?
Are you a little less tense? A little more at ease?
Maybe even slightly less afraid?
This exercise is powerful because it’s a way to stay more honest with yourself and more fact-based. It also reminds you to come back to the moment.
For me, the critical element in this exercise is the piece about accepting the uncertainty just for now. If I’m really triggered, I might have to repeat the sentence a hundred times a day. But it does help me stay more calm.
Now that you’ve seen how to use these four sentences as a tool for embracing uncertainty, just for now, I hope you’ll use them to start dealing with uncertainty in a more self-empowering, constructive way that grounds you in objective reality and interrupts the temptation to use your imagination to fill in the gaps about what you don’t know.
Try using this exercise any time anxiety hits. It’s such a simple, powerful way to get back into the now-moment where your life is actually happening. If you’re willing to have the future be what it is – uncertain – then you can be anchored here, in the now-moment, where life is unfolding, the facts are emerging and your best choices are presenting themselves.
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