Essence – The Key to an Authentic Life

Do you know what I learned about living an authentic life from the television hits, I Dream of Jeannie and Bewitched?

If you remember, in these shows, wishes were instantly granted in the blink of an eye or wiggle of a nose, and life (no matter the struggle) was always good within 30 minutes, when the episode came to an end.

These two shows were hits because they created a fantasy world where fulfillment was easy. We all wanted to believe life could be so simple. . .

But then we all grew up, had our own families, lived a lot of life, and realized a hard truth:

Fulfillment does not happen by “magic.”

Instead, living an authentic, fulfilling life takes self-awareness and hard work.

To help you get there, I’d like to introduce what I call essence. Essence goes deeper than appearances, a nice house or the expensive purchases we often think of as key indicators of success. Essence is the feeling-experience you authentically want to get from life, or what you long for in your heart.

As an example, Joy, creativity and ease are life essences that seem fairly universal among the women I work with.

Essence is the feeling-experience you authentically want to get from life, or what you long for in your heart. Click To Tweet

Emotions vs. Essence

While essences are feeling-experiences, this is different from an emotion. Here are some examples to help show what I mean:

I am not always HAPPY. (emotion) But I can still find satisfaction. (essence)

I may get ANGRY. (emotion) But I can still have dignity and grace. (essences)

I may be AFRAID. (emotion) But I can still show courage. (essence)

If I experience a big loss or disappointment, my emotions will try to take center stage and insist that I focus on my circumstances. My fear and anxiety will try to persuade me to fix my situation as quickly as possible, but this is precisely where I need to stop and anchor myself in my authentic desire for an experience of essence.

This can be hard to do in a high stress situation, but if I start with two simple questions, I can find my way through the emotion back to my essence.

• Question #1: What is the feeling-experience I want in this moment?
• Question #2: What are the essence qualities that are missing from this present experience?

Here is how I might answer:

I want to experience calm and clarity.

I want to be able to trust in the process my life takes.

I want to have faith in myself.

I would like to experience more ease, confidence and freedom.

When I ask and answer these two questions, my focus naturally shifts from what I resist about my circumstances to what I authentically want to experience. And the impact this shift has on my feeling state is often profound.

Exercise: Part 1

Here’s a quick exercise to help you identify the essence qualities that matter to you.

To begin, try thinking back to a moment in life where you felt the most fulfilled. Once you’ve identified the moment, ask yourself: What did I experienced during this time?

• Maybe you had peace of mind in the face of uncertainty.
• Maybe you felt content in spite of the chaos around you.
• Maybe you were incredibly patient during a trying time.
• Or maybe you were able to accept something about your painful past.

In those moments, you were triumphing over the power of your emotional reactions to the circumstances, and choosing instead to focus on essence.

You weren’t medicating your fears, trying to control the future or riding on an emotional high or descending into despair. You were simply being true to yourself.

Exercise: Part 2

This week, spend some time thinking about the experience you most want to have for an authentic life. I’m not talking about outcomes, a change in the circumstances or material things.

What are the feeling-experiences you most want as a steady, stable backdrop to the daily ups and downs?

To get started, be sure to download my list of essence words by clicking here.

Spend some time looking over the list (thinking back to that moment in your life of greatest fulfillment). Once you’ve identified two or three words, set aside time to engage with essence in small ways. This is the first, small step toward authenticity.

If the essence quality is beauty, pause to enjoy something beautiful in your environment, like a flower or a sunset. If the essence is community, then call a friend you haven’t talked to in a while. Craving some ease? Do my basic Practice by putting your attention on your muscular tension and breathing to relax that tension.

Two of my most treasured essences are inner peace and wisdom.  Even when life delivers an unpleasant surprise or outcome I’d rather not have, my focus on experiencing these essence qualities always helps to ensure that what I say and do will be authentic, balanced and truthful.

Of course, authenticity, balance and truthfulness are also high on my essence list!